I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize