omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was CRYING into my vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
