Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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