omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
