Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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