I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
