how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize