I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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