awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and she was petting her beer can
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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