3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
