Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
