I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
