You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
