I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
