Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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