i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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