So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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