I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
