I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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