Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
