69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
