I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
