You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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