So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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