so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
