I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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