That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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