you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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