Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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