I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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