We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
