Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sex in a hospital.. check
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
