Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
