You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
