i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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