id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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