I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
