So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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