She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
