sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
