office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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