1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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