Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
