maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
