So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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