Got a toothbrush?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
