No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
