we're blogging at a bar
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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