Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
