Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
