Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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