if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
