it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
