just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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