I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His nipple licking is glorious
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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