She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
