so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize