Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
