Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
