Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
