We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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