If that was your dad, he is hot
Where is the hickey?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
