but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
