We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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