Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
