So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize