She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
