I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
